10 Tips for Raising Children

It is one of those essential facts of life that raising good children
- children of character, demands time and attention. While having children may be "doing what comes naturally," being a good parent is much more complicated. Here are ten tips to help your children build sturdy characters:

1. Put parenting first - This is hard to do in a world with so many competing demands. Good parents consciously plan and devote time to parenting. They make developing their children's character their top priority.

2. Review how you spend the hours and days of your week - Think about the amount of time your children spend with you. Plan how you can weave your children into your social life and knit yourself into their lives.

3. Be a good example - Face it: human beings learn primarily through modelling, In fact, you can't avoid being an example to your children, whether good or bad. Being a good example, then, is probably your most important job.

4. Develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing - Children are like sponges. Much of what they take in has to do with moral values and character. Books, songs, TV, the Internet, and films are continually delivering messages - moral and immoral - to our children. As parents we must control the flow of ideas and images that are influencing our children.

5. Use the language of character - Children cannot develop a moral compass unless people around them use the clear, sharp language of right and wrong.

6. Punish with a loving heart - Today, punishment has a bad reputation. The results are guilt-ridden parents and self-indulgent, out-of-control children. Children need limits. They will ignore these limits on occasions. Reasonable punishment is one of the ways human beings have always learned. Children must understand what punishment is for and know that its source is parental love.

7. Learn to listen to your children - It is easy for us to tune out when our children are talking to us. One of the greatest things we can do for them is to take them seriously and set aside time to listen.

8. Get deeply involved in your child's school life - School is the main event in the lives of our children. Their experience there is a mixed bag of triumphs and disappointments. How they deal with them will influence the course of their lives. Helping our children become good students is another name for helping them acquire strong character.

9. Make a big deal out of the family meal - One of the most dangerous trends in western society is the demise of the family meal. The dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values. Manners and rules are subtly absorbed over the table. Family mealtime should communicate and sustain ideals that children will draw on throughout their lives.

10. Do not reduce character education to words alone - We gain virtue through practice. Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self-discipline, good work habits, kind and considerate behaviour to others, and community service. The bottom line in character development is behaviour - their behaviour.

HEALTHY SNACK CHOICES

We are all concerned about forecasts on the health of Gen Zed (those currently under 17 years). Forecasts suggest that these chidlren will be obese and die before their parents primarily because of preventable public health issues such as obesity related illnesses.

Westmead Children's Hospital, Syudney Children's Hospital and Hunter Children's Health Network have published a list of healthy snack choices to help parents set their children on good nutritional options that over time may reduce risk factors to these public health concerns. So before we give our chidlren a fizzy drink and sweet to stop them from making our lives difficult, please consider these options:
1 slice of grain bread with topping eg 1 slice of low fat cheese or 100g tin tuna

1 cup wholegrain breakfast cereal and low fat milk

fruit smoothie made with 1 glass of low fat milk and berries

100g tub low fat yoghurt and 1 piece fo fruit

4 Vita Weats and 2 slices of low fat cheese

1 tub of low fat frozen yoghurt

10 waferthins with 2 slices low fat cheese or low fat dip

low fat milk and 2 teaspoons milo

1 Yogo or Aero mousse

1 cup popcorn and 100g low fat oghurt

1 Fruity Bix Bar or OT or LCM milk and cereal bar or Milo energy bar

1 Aktavite or Big M popper or Thomas and Friends milks

1 low fat ice-cream such as Peters Light and creamy or Paddle Pop

Peters Mini and 2 low fat cookies such as Paradise Lights

1 slice raisin/ fruit toast spread with low fat margarine and low fat ricotta

1 piece of chopped fruit with low fat yoghurt dip

1/2 baked bean or spaghetti jaffle

packet of pretzels

low fat fruit muffin and 100g low fat yoghurt

2 Paradise Light Low fat cookies and a glass of low fat milk

low fat Fruche

REMEMBER
Mid meals including morning and afternoon teas are an important part of a child's day

Snack choices need to be nutritionally balanced to ensure optimal growth and development.

Pay Rates in 1967!!

Pay Rates in 1967

Post Traumatic Stress

Post Traumatic Stress - it is real but it can be managed

The ADF takes PTSD seriously. Because of this there is a huge range of support available for both military members and their families. There is even support available for chidlren who are impacted by their parent's behaviour.

Please don't suffer in silence. Help is available. This is manageable.

The key question for a PTSD diagnosis is:
1. Have they experienced a life threatening or traumatic situation or one where they have witnessed life threatening situations or actual traumatic death?

Not everyone who has had these experiences suffers PTSD but it is surprising how many people do. We all manage these circumstances differently but there are some common threads:
disturbed sleep patterns;
changes to eating behaviour;
changes to drinking and/ or smoking, and/ or other drug use behaviours;
loss of tollerance to noise, or light, or smells;
sense of 'going insane';
flashbacks;
withdrawral from people, places, things that used to be okay;
a sense of dread and impending doom;
physical and/ or verbal violence, aggression, threats.

Experience shows that things will only deteriorate if help is not sought - the sooner the better.

You can get help for yourself, your partner or your children from:
VVCS on 1800 011 046 or,
if you are a service member you might like to talk with your Chaplain on 0458 473 842.

Whoever you talk with, do it now.

Tummy's

Tummys are really important. Yes, they can be the source of shame as you get older, but even then, they are important.

TUMMY TIME FOR BABES is special and important for both you and your child.
Tummy time is good for the development of strength in the babes neck, shoulder, arms and back. These muscles are essential for being able to move.
Tummy time should start as soon as possible after birth by laying babe on your tummy for gentle playtime. This is different to sleep time. (For SIDS prevention it is recommended that babe is laid to sleep on their back.)

To get started:
1. Carry babe on your shoulder (or arm facing the ground);
2. While you are lying down, lay babe on your chest or your lap.

Sometimes your babe won't like being put on their tummy so here's a couple of tips I've found work wonders:
1. You need to get down on the floor and see the world from your child's perspective. Roll around and give them a couple of special minutes of your precious time.
2. Introduce tummy time for a minute or two, and, before they start to object, pick them up and praise them. Lengthen the time on their tummy to no more than five minutes at a time, a few times a day. Every time you pick them up, or roll them over, praise them and tell them how good they've been. (Even tiny babes know when they are being told good things.)
3.Give babe something to play with or attract their attention while they are on their tummy. A ball, toy, and colourful rug to lay on all make a difference in keeping babe happy on their tummy.
4. Don't leave babe unattended during tummy time. Talk, sing to, engage with babe so that the two of you come to enjoy this special time together.

If you've any questions, contact the Community Health Centre in Kirwan and you'll find them very helpful.

Assisting Kids Manage Deployment

KIDS AND DEPLOYMENT

DCO have issued a number of information sheets to help families manage service separations. I especially like the one titled "Assisting Kids Cope with Deployment: Tip sheet for parents".
Here is what it has to offer:

"Children are unable to articulate their feelings and thoughts as adults do. Instead it will often present in their behaviour. A mild or brief change in any behaviour is not going to give you cause for concern. However, if there is a persistent and obvious change in behaviour (excessive) then seek futher advice.
"Stress affects children like it does adults. Children may complain of headaches, stomach distress and sleep disturbances. They may display moodiness, irritability, low energy or have more dramatic reactions to minor situations.
"Each child and each familiy is unique and so too are their reactions to situations.
"Children are more adaptable and resilient if we give them appropriate information.
"When parents first learn about a deployment,they shold digest information before they communicate to the child so they can deliver it in a calm and reassuring manner.
"If possible, prepare the children for what is going to happen in advance.
"If deployment will change the child's lifestyle (moving, living with grandparents, changing childcare or schools etc) tell the child in advance.
"Explain to your children that mum/ dad has to go away for work (explain the length of absence in terms of sleeps/special events ie birthdays/ Christmas,etc)
"Reinforce mum/ dad will be coming back.
"Don't lie about where mum/ dad is - fear of the unknown is often scarier!
"If possible tell them what sort of work mum/ dad will be doing.
"Be realistic but do not scare the child.
"Push the peacekeeping or the exercise/ practice role - not the fighting one.
"If you have a son, be careful not to say in dad's absence he is the 'man of the house'. This can create power struggles with mother and other children in the house; can create power struggles when the member returns; can confuse roles/ boundaries; can place too much perceived responsibility/ expectations on the son which can be overwhelming.
"Notify and maintain regular contact with your child's teacher/ child care provider.
"Encourgae child to maintain contact with the deployed parent via e-mail, phone, letters, parcels, drawings etc..
"Spend one on one with your child whenever possible.
"Keep a routine, but allow some flexibility (few more treats/ favorite foods/ outings).
"Keep usual rules/ expectations/ discipline.
"Be tolerant and understanding to changes to child's behaviour. However, do not allow them to get away with inappropriate behaviour.
"Don't threaten your child with what will happen 'when mum/ dad gets home'.
"NEVER say, 'if you don't behave yourself mum/dad will never come back.'
"Limit televsion and other media coverage relating to deployment.
"Avoid changing sleeping routine what time they go to bed, where they sleep, etc).
"SPECIAL EVENTS: Tape special events (ie Christmas/ birthdays/ mother's day etc). Take photos and send to the deployed parent.
"Reassure children of your (and the deployed parent's) love and support."

I know that for my family we have used these different strategies and added a lot of our own. It has made such a difference as to how we manage while my husband is deployed. I often think that he misses out more than we do. Some of our strategies are:
In a prominent place we have a map of where he is and on that we mark where we think he should be today.
One of his old shirts has become a child's night dress until he returns. It gets washed in his body wash and his deodorant gets rolled onto it after each wash.
We talk about bullies and that he is over there helping the people learn to manage so that the bullies won't hurt them any more. Even little kids understand about bullies.
We share that we miss him, and we pray for him every day.
We include him in our daily conversations ie "Pa would like this wouldn't he?", and, 'Let's cook an extra one and send it to Pa."
We go on 'picnics'- on the lounge room floor, in the backyard, on the top of Castle Hill, to Crystal Creek or Mt Elliot. These are very simple affairs that are cheap and easy to pull together for a quick, different meal that everybody eats!
We send parcels every week and email every day. The messages are so simple and typically only a few lines, but they are so important.

What strategies do you use in your family? Let me know and we can build a resources list up for everyone to pick so we can all survive these special times.